Processing Prolonged Grief: My Mother's Death And Its Impact After 18 Years

James

3 min read

Post on May 13, 2025

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Processing Prolonged Grief: My Mother's Death and Its Impact After 18 Years

The sharp sting of grief is often expected to dull with time. We're told to "grieve and move on," but what happens when the grief refuses to subside? What happens when the loss of a loved one, even years later, continues to cast a long shadow? This is the story of my mother's death and the prolonged grief that continues to shape my life 18 years later.

My mother's passing wasn't sudden; it was a slow, agonizing decline due to illness. Knowing her death was imminent didn't soften the blow. The grief, initially overwhelming, became a constant companion. While many might expect the intensity to lessen significantly over time, mine persists, manifesting in unexpected ways. This isn't to say I haven't lived a full life; I have a career, loving relationships, and many joys. But the absence of my mother remains a palpable ache, a persistent undercurrent in my daily existence.

<h3>Understanding Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD)</h3>

My experience isn't unique. Many people grapple with prolonged grief, a condition increasingly recognized by mental health professionals. Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) is characterized by intense and persistent grief that significantly impairs daily functioning. Unlike typical grief, which eventually eases, PGD involves debilitating symptoms that last for over a year, profoundly impacting various aspects of life.

Symptoms of PGD can include:

• Intense longing and yearning for the deceased: This isn't a simple nostalgic memory; it's a deep, visceral ache for their presence.
• Intrusive thoughts and memories: Flashbacks and vivid memories, often distressing, repeatedly intrude on daily life.
• Difficulty accepting the death: A persistent sense of disbelief or denial that prevents emotional closure.
• Numbness or emotional detachment: A feeling of emptiness and disconnection from life's joys.
• Problems with identity and self-esteem: A sense of loss that extends beyond the deceased, affecting one's sense of self.

<h3>Coping Mechanisms and Seeking Help</h3>

For years, I navigated my grief alone, believing it was something I simply had to endure. However, recognizing the impact of my mother's loss on my overall well-being prompted me to seek professional help. Therapy, particularly grief counseling, has been invaluable. It's provided a safe space to explore my emotions, understand my experience, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Finding the right therapist is crucial. Look for professionals experienced in treating grief and trauma. The American Psychological Association (APA) and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offer resources to find qualified therapists in your area.

Beyond therapy, I've found solace in:

• Journaling: Writing down my thoughts and feelings has been a cathartic process.
• Connecting with support groups: Sharing my experience with others who understand has been incredibly helpful. Consider searching online for local or virtual grief support groups.
• Mindfulness and self-care practices: Activities like meditation and yoga have helped manage the emotional intensity.

<h3>Living with Prolonged Grief</h3>

Living with prolonged grief isn't about "getting over" the loss. It's about learning to live with the loss, integrating it into the fabric of life while preserving a sense of hope and purpose. It's a journey, not a destination, and progress isn't linear. There will be good days and bad days, moments of intense pain and moments of quiet acceptance. The key is to be patient with yourself, to seek support when needed, and to honor the enduring love for those we've lost. My mother's memory remains a powerful force in my life, and while the grief persists, it no longer defines me. It's a part of my story, a testament to the depth of our bond, and a constant reminder to cherish every moment.

If you are struggling with prolonged grief, please seek professional help. You are not alone. Remember, reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.